Lisa Simmons

We asked 100 women, “What is your goal now that you have children?” Survey said! ________________

Ok, I didn’t really ask 100 women, but what would you say? The definition of “good mom” is, of course, very subjective. At one time, we may have pictured heels, pearls, coifed hair in the kitchen baking while stainlessly covered in a beautiful apron. Later it may have been the mom who works full-time outside the home but still manages to handle all of the household duties. Today, we have our own versions of a combination of those examples, but one thing I know, every mom wants to be a good mom.

I’ve come to understand through much trial and error that being a good mom must have the “bookends” of Grace and Mercy. Everything in the middle will be covered by those two strong stands. Here’s a little acrostic that I think will help bring it into focus.

G-Grace- I’d like to tell you that the G stands for “guilt-free”. Unfortunately, guilt comes with the fertilized egg. It just does. We are our greatest critics and there’s always something, at least in our own minds, that we shoulda, coulda, wishIwoulda, done better. Grace! 1Timothy 1:5 says “But the aim of our instruction is love that comes from a pure heart, a good conscience, and a sincere faith.” Now that’s a mom. We all want what’s best for our children…sincerely…but we mess up. Give yourself grace….allow God to show you grace…oh and don’t forget to grant that same grace to your husband…yeah…https://www.reverbnation.com/greasingtheskids/song/5913001-grace

Remember:

1. You (and your husband) are going to make mistakes.

2. Learn to accept grace as well as extend it

3. Can’t take all the credit and you can’t take all the blame(where your kids are concerned)

4. Don’t turn a moment into a monument

O-Optimistic-This doesn’t mean “Pollyannish”. Philippians 4:8 says Whatever is good, whatever is noble, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever has virtue, good or lovely, think on these things and praise the Lord.” https://www.reverbnation.com/greasingtheskids/song/5913124-whatever

What are you filling your mind with on a daily basis…talk shows, news, romance novels, even Christian romance novels, (btw…no way you or your husband can portray those characters) I remember when my daughter, our last child, was born, I was “addicted” to soap operas…one in particular. I set my day around this show. I had watched it regularly since about age 13! I knew it was wasting my time not to mention my brain cells, but I just couldn’t. One morning, I sort of woke up praying, which wasn’t that unusual, but I almost choked when I realized I was praying for “Cliff and Nina”….yes, the star-crossed lovers from the soap. I didn’t realize how much I had allowed fictional people to overtake my thinking….my optimism was being defeated by fake people! That day, May 1992, was the end! Now I wish I could tell you I remained forever brain-clutter free from that point, but it’s a life-long struggle. Again, grace! I think the Proverbs 31 lady portrays it best: “She is clothed with strength and honor and she can laugh at the time to come!”

O-Open to change-flexible. If ever there’s a time in your life to be flexible it is NOW! You gotta be “Gumby”. How many times have you made plans, get ready and then….poop happens! Or some other bodily fluid! At this stage of your life, there’s going to be upheaval. The average person changes jobs 7-10 times in his/her lifetime and most of those are in the first 10 years of employment! James 4:13-16 says “Come now, you who say, ‘Today or tomorrow we will go into this or that town’….You do not know about tomorrow…..instead say, ‘If the Lord is willing, we will do this or that….”  I’m not saying don’t make plans….just saying, plans change and usually at an inconvenient time. We moved to Dallas when my second child was 2 weeks old. I have to say, I did not want to be flexible, but it was the best decision and we’re so glad we did it. (read more in my book “I Would Have Said Yes”)

D-Determined-There will be days when it’s just an act of your will to make it through. 2 Timothy 4:5-7 says, “….be self-controlled in all things, endure hardship, do an evangelist’s work, fulfill your ministry….(so you can say) I have compete well; I have finished the race; I have kept the faith!” You, mama, are doing an evangelist’s work. Those babies you love with the fierceness of a lioness, but who drain every ounce of energy from your being, are the greatest expression of faith you will ever have. I know it’s very easy to feel undervalued as a wife/mom. STOPPIT! Look for ways to find encouragement. For me, it was finding other like-minded moms…moms who were a little ahead of me and even a little behind me. Encouragement often comes from encouraging others. The “been there” effect is very powerful. https://www.reverbnation.com/greasingtheskids/song/5912945-im-just-a-mom

M-Memories-Memories are created daily. It’s easy to “scrapbook” or now, Instagram the big memories, like trips to Disney World, but don’t forget the little memories that are the things of life. Journaling is a habit that is so helpful in this effort. It doesn’t have to be an hour session of every detail, but just something like “He said mama, today” “Saw a giant tortoise at the zoo” “I am exhausted from potty training” There’ll be time later to have those long journal entries, but today, just jot and dash. You’ll be amazed how much it helps. Part of creating memories for your family is talking about the things that God has done. Psalm 111: says “He does amazing things that will be remembered.” and Deuteronomy 6:7 …”and you must teach them to your children and speak of them as you sit in your house, as you walk along the road, as you lie down and as you get up.” Creating “stone monuments” for the big events like birthdays, baptisms, etc with those memorial stones from a craft store are a great way to help create the memory stories for your family. https://www.reverbnation.com/greasingtheskids/song/5913058-sweet-memories

O- Organized-Yikes…this is a tough one for me. I fall into the “creative” end of the organization spectrum which means I’m not, so don’t think I’m talking Container store organization. Remember this phrase “chaos breeds chaos”. It is so true.  Just a little forethought and planning will alleviate so much stress on those days when you’ve got to get out the door on time. A mentor of mine taught me this principle “God is a God of order.” The creation of the world was done in an orderly fashion when he could have just flung it all together in one blink. He chose to be systematic, precise and orderly. Heck, even the later destruction of the world was done in a well-planned manner….two by two don’t cha know…. https://www.reverbnation.com/greasingtheskids/song/5912989-get-me-to-the-church

M-Mercy -Mercy is  compassion. It’s kindness when you’re frustrated and tired. It’s playing the game when you’d rather take a nap. It’s sitting with a feverish head on your lap when the dishes are piled in the sink. I have to admit, mercy is not my strong-suit, but it is one of God’s gifts to us and we must learn, if it is not a natural ability, to show mercy….even to our husbands! You will be with him long after your children are grown and gone, so show some MERCY!

As we get older, memories get fuzzy. The bad times don’t seem so bad and the good times are more amazing than they probably actually were…..the “Good Ol’ Days” as they say…and that’s ok. Being a good mom is more than the day to day effort of raising a family…the floors mopped and re-mopped, the piles upon piles of dirty laundry, the dishes that reappear after only moments of an empty sink but instead drowning in the sweetness(rocking a baby to sleep), the smells (even the bad ones) the sounds ( still hear screaming 6 year old girls in my sleep sometimes) This too shall pass and you may wonder, so be a “good mom” today. https://www.reverbnation.com/greasingtheskids/song/5912921-part-of-their-world